Bridesicle

Short Story by Will McIntosh

Published in Asimov's

Later Podcast by Starship Sofa, read by Amy H. Sturgis

What happens when we have the technology to wake up all the cryogenically frozen people? Fixing whatever killed them is sure to be expensive, so who'd really want to waste the money? Lonely/creepy old men of course!

Mira wakes up after her car crash, confused and disoriented, in a "dating center". She finds out that the only way to get revived is to convince a random man to marry her. Except she is a lesbian. As one of the older people stored in the dating center, she doesn't get many visitors wanting to wake her up for a date, hundreds of years pass between prospective husbands. Eventually she finds out her true love is frozen in the same facility. The question remains, is death somehow better than loveless marriage? Probably not. Takes the whole "I'd rather be dead than sleep with you" comment to a new level of seriousness.

Anyway, the story has a much nicer ending than the downer I'd probably have wrote, but it is still a good one. There is a small subplot about just what happened in the accident, and I found the whole marriage-for-revival situation to be suitably horrifying-yet-plausible. Well done. Just one question: WHY ARE THERE NO LESBIANS IN THE FUTURE? Seriously, this isn't even remarked on, everyone takes the whole bridesicle trade as male exclusive without a second thought. Our protagonist is a lesbian, but when she brings it up, everyone is doubleplus shocked. And nobody ever thought to ask.

Despite the conspicuous, unexplained absence of homosexuality in a future liberal enough to allow fluorescent orange-skinned lawyers, I'd give this horrifying future/bittersweet love story a 4 out of 5.

Unintended Behavior

Short Story by Nancy Kress

Annie has had enough of her cheating, patronizing, emotionally abusive husband and decides she's leaving. He uses his absolute control over all the electronics in the high-tech apartment to make her miserable. She and the talking-helmet-wearing-dog finally confront him in a great, although not unpredictable climax.

Although Don is an absolute asshole, one of those types where you can't imagine why anyone would put up with him in the first place (but suspect is horribly realistic), despite the fact that a female writer is writing about an older woman leaving her abusive husband, Annie comes off as very flawed. Not in a reprehensible way like her husband, of course, but she isn't the perfect victimized martyr you'd expect from a lesser writer trying to make a point. She is sympathetic, not perfect, and this matters to me a great deal.

Finally, the talking dog, the one really SF element is actually vital to the story rather than filler. Besides the comic relief given to a necessarily dark story, it develops the dog as a character, the only source of sympathy Annie has, and the limited vocabulary allows for a lot of depth to be added, while still not confirming or denying the sentience of the dog. And the ending, which I already said was great, does depend on this development of the dog and it's limited vocabulary. Anyway, great story, although the Don The Husband is almost a caricature, which could be realistic, but more depth to him might have made the story less clear-cut. 4.5 out of 5 dogs would prefer this translator to the one from Up.

Passing Perry Crater Base, Time Uncertain

Short Short Story/Flash Fiction by Larry Niven

Some unsubtle alien AIs critique our lack of resolve towards our space program while orbiting the moon.

1.5 out of 5.

Five Thousand Light Years from Birdland

Short Story by Robert R. Chase

First contact is made with a bird-like alien who possesses faster-than-light travel and needs help to replace some parts of his ship. We get this story in flashback from the first Human ambassador sent back to the Screet (the alien)'s homeworld. The thing is, our narrator was just a translator, Screet was the one who demanded he come instead of a chosen, political ambassador. In the course of the flashbacks and shipboard conversation we learn the history of Screet's people and their ancient enemy "The Doubles", and try to figure out the meaning of the phrase/book title "Eutik Si Euban". But this makes a lot more sense and isn't the whole point of the story, compared to the classic one-phrase-key-to-diplomacy stories.

Anyway, that is a long summary for a 10 page story, and I still haven't spoiled the major plot points. A lot of things are revealed and it is all done very well. There are poker, jazz, and improv comedy references throughout, although Screet fortunately never sets talon in a nightclub. All of these actually tie into the real point of the story, as the meaning of the phrase, and the history of the Sky People wrap together in a nice understanding of their cultural values, which I could definitely get behind. This one avoids the annoying first contact clichés and fridge logic, it just works: 3.5 out of 5 bird aliens have their doubts about neanderthals.

Poetry Roundup: Asimov's January 2009

Just one poem this month:

On Zurlygg Street by Bruce McAllister

"Run Spot, Run" is updated so it has the word "computational" in it. The last two lines are funny, but the sing-song tone wore me down. Read it to your kids if you want to explain the term "sentience".

Lion Walk

Novelette by Mary Rosenblum

Tahira runs a wildlife preserve, for animals recreated from the Pleistocene. Against the wishes of her PR-obsessed boss, she investigates how a pair of young, scantily clad women got passed high-tech security to become lion bait. In the process we examine the unsavory side of the human psyche and how technological advancements may accentuate that.

This is a remarkably innovative, cliche-free detective thriller. The thoughtfulness is always kept in the periphery of the high-tech crime story and its contrasting natural setting, so it never overwhelms. A serious amount of world-building is done without detracting from the action at all. After an initial shock the ending was unsurprising, but I still enjoyed it quite a bit. I can't think of a better way it could have gone, as far as ensuring I remember the story and continue thinking about it long after.

4.5 out of 5 snuff films could be improved with some prehistoric lions.